Hindsight is 20:20

Do you ever remember something happening to you that at the time you felt was completely negative? I mean seriously, sometimes unexpected things happen right? Perhaps you were sitting in the house doing dishes, when you hear the basement flooding with water (this happens to me way too often).

Or, how about the times when you were driving down the highway, when out of nowhere you got a blowout. You were so upset because you were running late for work, but it didn't even matter because then there would be no way you would make it on time. So you had to call your boss to tell him that you would be late. While you are stuck, trying to force the lug nuts off the tire. You have no luck because these days most shops use a machine that forces them on, so you and your tire iron are not physically strong enough to get them off. So you were stuck sitting there with one lug nut off, but the rest just wouldn't budge.

So, you had to call a tow truck and a ride to come rescue you. However, instead of being grateful for options, you were pacing back and forth, cursing, waiting for a whole 45 minutes for some help. Then it occured to you, when the tow was pulling up, that you had no idea how you were going to pay for the tow. Three months ago, you cancelled towing from your insurance, to help save you a few bucks, and quite frankly you take such good care of the car that you didn't really need towing (this has happened to me).

Finally, after what seems like hours, you are actually on your way to work, when you notice a traffic jam that just started to let up, from what appears to be a fatal accident that seemed to occur about an hour ago...When suddenly, the goosebumps prick your neck. You come to the realization that if your tire didn't blow, that it could have very likely been you in the accident. Suddenly the cursing that you threw around earlier turned into blessings to a God, that you are unsure exists or not, but somehow irony made it so you didn't have a huge accident. So, truth-be-told, it doesn't really matter at that point if God does exist, because you are somehow invincible. Right.

For me it seems that every time Brandon and I get into an argument, our entire basement floods. We will then have to forget our differences and work together ankle deep in water, that only God knows its contents, vaccuming and fixing pipes. UGH! And you have the audacity to question God's existence? Are you kidding me? I KNOW God exists! Most of the time I think I am one of his only sources of amusement. I think he sits there laughing at us every time he gets bored.

So it's like this, the next time your tire blows, you get into a fender bender, or you are out for a week suffering from Swine Flu, instead of starting out with the curses, which is what seems to be the norm, think about how good you have it. Remind yourself that there is far worse out there. Therefore, you can just begin with the blessings and praises. It will make you happy and everyone around you happy too. Also, keep in mind the next time something crazy like that happens to you, think of Job 37:13. "He causes things to happen on earth, either as a punishment or as a sign of his unfailing love" (NLT version).

Please keep in mind that hindsight is always 20:20!

My Husband and a Jock Strap

Hmmm. I like the title of this one... I was in bed thinking hard about things the other night.. I couldn't sleep. Thoughts were overwhelming my mind. Every time I go into a shut-down mode, this happens. I have so many thoughts and reflections on life and things. I can't say that I mind. It gives me so many things to write about. Since that is a passion, I am truly blessed to be bombarded with these thoughts.

I was laying there thinking about what I would do if I didn't have the support of my husband. I mean seriously, Brandon never stops me from living my dreams. Think about it, a few weeks perhaps months, back, I was stressed out about the pressure of what I am supposed to do with my life. I was confused, and felt to some degree, hopeless. I always use the term "jack of all trades, master of none." Anyway, who did I go talk to about it? Brandon of course. He listens to me no matter how silly it seems. He supports me in everything that I do. He protects me from the harshness of everyone elses opinions. He is there for me when I need him most, and he is around when I feel like I don't need him at all. Brandon supports me, even when I want to achieve the impossnnible. I am getting ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning...

So, after a few weeks/months of wallowing in self pity, thinking about how my dreams are so unaccomplishable, thinking that I am wasting my own time and his, and praying relentlessly for answers, it occured to me. I think that it was my dad who made it clear to be honest. I feel often that I have no calling in life. For a religious person, that is a hard feeling. However, my dad pointed out to me the other day, when talking about this exact subject. He told me, "You know how to tell if something is a calliing or not?"

I said, "No how?"

Dad told me, "You know it is a calling, if it is a passion that no matter what you can't shake it off, but something that you will be willing to do without getting paid for it." That statement put a lump in my throat so big, that a frog would have shuddered with fear. I knew right then that he was right. I knew right then that I was not mistaken with my calling. I knew that my dad answered all of my doubts, questions, and problems. My mom agreed. It was like in unison. I knew exactly what I had to do.

I went home that night and read the Bible. Ironically, when I have no idea what I am wanting to look for to read, I typically begin in Matthew. I do this because there is a lot of dialogue from Christ himself in Matthew. So, the verse that I was hit with was, Matthew 7:7-8 It simply says this... "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened" (NKJV version). This confirmed my doubts. The knowledge that I had all along, was out on the table. I already had the answer, I was doubting my own faith.

I decided to sit down and talk to Brandon. I needed him to know, what I was working on. I needed to let him know that I was going to work on the impossible. I told him, and he looked at me completely confused. He said to me, "Nina, I thought that was the plan the entire time." I informed him of the doubts that I had. He made it known to me that I always have doubts, that doesn't mean that I was going to quit trying.

I went to bed that night, with a spinning head. I was thinking about Brandon. I was reflecting on how lucky I am.. I was trying to think of an effective metaphor to explain this, then it hit me... jock strap. Hmm. Interesting. Well, I think of it like this. He protects me from people, he shields me from harm, he holds me tight when I am afraid, but most importantly, he supports me in everything that I do. He supports me when I want to achieve the impossible. He never turns his back on me. He is always there. The best thing I could think of was that, jock strap. I think that is what all men and women alike need to aim to be. There you have it, my thoughts for today.

Hot Grits, Sausage, Eggs, and a Good Marriage

For about three days, I had heard my husband, Brandon, tell me that he was hungry for some grits and sausage. He didn't necessarily think that I was listening, I hardly even aknowledged him.. He was just randomly expressing a desire, as he was pouring cold cereal into a bowl. I didn't react to his comment, I just continued making the kids their cereal.

The following day, Brandon was in the shower. I had already poured some milk on the kids' cereal, when I remembered that Brandon had said that he wanted some grits the previous day. I decided to make him smile. I brought the water to a boil, I poured the grits in, and I stirred. Now some people on here have never cooked grits before, but they are similar to any hot cereal, only they are stickier. As the grits were cooking, and I was stirring, I felt the hot grits boiling onto my hand. They would pop with the bubbles and splatter my hand. I just kept on stirring. They got to the desired consistancy, and I took them off of the heat and seasoned them the way that Brandon likes them seasoned. I was also cooking him his eggs and sausage. I get done cooking and wipe the hot grits off of my hand. He got out of the shower and said, "Mmmm, something smells good." I explained to him that he could sit down to eat his breakfast. He had a big smile on his face as he ate, then he left.

I gave the kids what was left over for their lunch. I seasoned them the way that they like them, then I put them in bed for their naps. Brandon got out of work late and decided that he would pick up the girls from vacation bible school. Everyone had already had dinner, but Brandon. He got home, and I cooked his dinner. He ate and everyone was satisfied. I put the kids to bed and Brandon says to me, as he is massaging my shoulders, "Nina, you know I love you right?" I smiled and nodded. We watched TV and went to bed.

Now here is the point to the story... I have been asked about half a dozen times in the past three months, how, I became so lucky to have such a good marriage. I will explain how...

- I didn't have to acknowledge my husband talking about food, to know what I had to do for him. Many women say this all the time, "Well you are grown, you have arms, cook it." I don't do that... I submit to my husbands needs. I think that we all should. Am I dependant on him for life? No. Do I consider myself a weaker sex because I do as he asks? No absolutely not. He does as I ask too. I love him and desire him to be happy, therefore I do what I can to make him happy. If I didn't have the time, or whatever, it is up to me to make the time for him.

- I allowed myself to cringe at the grits burning my hand in order to cook him his food. Did it kill me? No, I could have used a longer spoon, but I didn't. I hate grits, I hate cooking them, I love my husband. End of story.

- I gave to my kids what was left after I fed him. Ouch. Sounds mean right? No, he has to work for the family, he has to earn an income, the kids were fed, it takes him to keep them fed. People put their children first make their marriage fail. My kids are the most important things in my life next to Brandon. They are more important to me than myself.

- Brandon got out of work late. It never says that I called him questioning where he was at, blowing up his cell phone and being a private investigator. No, it simply states that he got out of work late. This doesn't bother me. I don't have to question his whereabouts. I TRUST him. I know where he is at. He told me that he had to work late. If that is what he says, that is where he is. I am not naive, I know some men cheat, but the difference is, I know my husband. I take care of him. He takes care of me. If I couldn't trust him, I wouldn't marry him! Acting foolish over nonsense is absolutely ridiculous. It would drive an innocent man away. Women need to be quiet once in a while!

- He came home, and again everyone had already been fed. I got up and cooked a whole nother meal, just for him to have somethign hot for dinner. Could he have gotten something small out of the fridge? Of course. Did I tell him to? Nope. I asked him what he was hungry for and I fixed it. He had even said that I didn't have to, but I told him that I was going to. This makes me cooking umpteen meals a day, but it doesn't matter. I am his wife.

- He rubbed my back. Bingo. Did everyone catch this??? When we go out of our ways to make them happy, they go out of their way to make us happy. What you don't know is, Brandon moves furniture, all the time. He lifts heavy things, and his whole back is knotted up and swolllen. I can see where his muscles are pulled just by looking at his back. He is in pain. However, the man didn't ask me to rub his back. He ate the food and told me he loved me and rubbed mine. It is give and take.

Arguing and fussing at each other isn't worth it. It gives you a household of problems. I know many, many people that are going through divorce right now, or are having marriage problems. I believe that we need to be less selfish to the ones we love, and show them we care about them. It makes me happy to make Brandon happy. Then the feelings are mutual. I am not saying that we don't argue, but I am saying that things are happy and well maintained most of the time. I wouldn't change my marriage for the world. I am also not ashamed to state that. I am still independant and strong. Even though I am independant and strong, I am not too proud to tell my husband that I care about him. I am not too proud to submit to him. I know that he will do the same thing for me. That is what makes a good marriage. If we swallowed our pride a little bit, many of the marriage problems today, are small and petty things. I am not saying stay with him if he beats the mess out of you! I am saying sit back and chill out and do what you can to make him smile. He will appreciate it and so will you.

X=24 *sigh*

I major in psychology... Why in the heck do I need to take so much algebra???So, I am in this class trying to figure out all the numbers and letters. I know numbers, I also know letters. I HATE when they combine the two, it doesn't make any sense to me. I have a creative mind, I have an emotional mind. I am right brained dominant according to tests, by 97%. This is a very unusual number. Needless to say, algebra is logic. This is not my style.

So, the professor is trying to teach us to solve for x in some rational expression. It took me a minute to look at the problem, then I came up with the answer. I decided that X=24. No matter what the question, X equals 24 all of the time.

My teacher was stunned, "Nina, how did you get 24?"

The answer is very easy to solve... This is what I said, "X is the 24th letter of the alphabet, therefore it is 24."

It is my opinion that they make X far more difficult than what it needs to be. I think that we need to solve X for what it is, that is the 24th letter of the alphabet, no more, no less. :)

Now, as I do my best to pass my math class, I truly need to figure out what the real answer is. At least I get my teachers to like me. I am always there for a good laugh. We will see what happens over the course of the next six weeks. *sigh*

The Power of Prayer

Okay, yesterday I took a few of my youth group kids out to collect pop cans in order to help cover the costs of tee-shirts and to pay for their Bible bowl. We would knock on doors, and every person that answered, we would ask if they would donate pop bottles for their group. Every house where a person answered the door, we gave them regardless of donation, a gospel tract.

We began to go door-to-door, and people were really mean to these kids. They were very selfish- acting, rude, and some wouldn't even bother answering the door, even though you could clearly see that they were home. The kids were becoming very discouraged. A couple of the kids thought that it was because of their race that they were being treated so poorly. At one moment, I was even confused by it...

Then it dawned on me what was going on. I had one boy, Juwan, doing the right side of the street, and the girl on the left side. I said to Juwan, "I forgot to pray for us to be successful with this." You see, we were in such a hurry that I forgot to say a prayer before we began. So I prayed with him while the girl, Jocelyn, was on the other side of the rode. I had a feeling of peace come over me, and I told Juwan that the next house that he was going to go to was going to give him a nice donation. As he went to the next house, I pulled Jocelyn over to me and did a prayer with her. The same feeling washed over me. I told Jocelyn to watch what would happen.

Juwan was standing at the door when a lady said to him, "I don't have any pop bottles, but will you take a donation?" Juwan answered yes, and she gave him $10.00. I look towards Jocelyn at the house that she was at, and she was pulling a huge bag of pop bottles behind her. We were all amazed!

Every house that we went to, after we said our prayer, if they were home, they donated to us. It was simply amazing. We literally walked two blocks before we prayed. We literally had nothing, except what my mom donated. After we prayed we could only make it another full block because of time. However, that block that we made it through, was so giving and caring that we collected over 300 pop cans. In fact, someone stopped me and asked if he could donate pop bottles to the kids. I was shocked!

I asked the kids what they thought about that day, both of them answered, "pray before we do anything!!! God answers prayers."

It was a wonderful and successful day. I am thankful for the donations and the lesson that the kids learned!!

Another Miracle!!!

I had to babysit my sisters baby the other day. This is not unusual, I am typically the person that keeps her while Beth is at work. Anyway, Beth's boyfriend forgot to put the can of formula in the diaper bag. I had enough for one bottle. I had no clue to how I was going to feed the baby while Beth was gone. I had no carseat for her, to go to the store and buy more. I was alone with three kids. I honestly was trying to figure out what I was going to do.

Anyway, I split the little bit of formula that I had into two. I gave the baby only a four ounce bottle, thinking that it would not fill her up, but at least it would tide her over until later. I was wrong... The baby screamed and screamed, so I had to give her the very last of the formula. In the process, I say to God, "God, how am I gonna feed this baby when she gets hungry again??"

As God would have it, I no longer get done saying this when the mail came. I opened the door to grab the mail, and on the porch was a little box. It was sitting right on the ground in front of the door. I grabbed the box, kind of confused because I didn't order anything from Amazon, or anywhere else that I typically order from.The box was titled to me, so I opened it. Inside the box was a full can of formula. I don't have any babies on formula. I grabbed the formula out, and ironically enough, it was Estees brand. I couldn't believe my eyes! I was truly amazed at the fact that my prayers were answered. I don't know why I was amazed, God is always good to me, but I was shocked!

Anyway, God provided for me. I can't stand when people walk up to me and say, wow things are just convenient coincidences. They are not! They can't be... That is just too convenient. If you don't believe in God, you got issues. I have way too many stories like this, that has happened in my personal life that says otherwise!!

A Problem With Monsters!

Recently I have had a lot of conversation in my house about monsters.

Ileyah thinks that it is entertaining to talk about creepy things in front of Brandina. Dontae just thinks it is funny, and runs through the house ROARRING!!!

Regardless, monsters have been a topic of interest lately. Even to the point that Brandina is afraid of my profile picture on facebook. She happened to look at my picture on the laptop from a weird angle, so it distorted the image.

So the other night Brandon and I were watching American Idol. We listened to one of the guys do a really bad job on the show, and as Brandon loves to do, he impersonated him. He was sure to add all of the raspiness to his voice and some of the gravel. It was hilarious. He mimicked the guy with a lot of added energy. We were having a blast!

The next thing that I know, Brandina comes screaming down the stairs! "Mom, the monsters are in my room again, they are right in my room. I am scared!!! Mom, get the monsters out of my room, they are roaring at me!!" She was devestated and scared to death. Brandon carried her up the stairs to try to figure out what she was hearing. He didn't seem to find anythinng that was making noise, so he put Brandina back to bed. She was too scared that she refused to go to bed. So, Brandon decided to scare the monsters away. He is a big guy, so it wasn't too hard for Brandina to believe that the monsters were afraid of him. In the process, Ileyah decides to tell Brandina that dad just scared them into the closet.

As Brandon went back downstairs to finish being an overly offensive American Idol, Brandina came plummeting back down the stairs again. Brandon ran back up and scared the monsters out of the closet.

It suddenly dawned on me what Brandina was scared of. It was her daddy's singing. I sat on the couch and laughed for about ten minutes before I decided to go upstairs to save the day!

I grabbed the Lysol, and told Brandina that this was monster poison. I sprayed it all over the room, and in the closet. I also told her that monsters will never come back because we sprayed monster posion, and it works forever. She went to bed fine after that.

I told Brandon once we got downstairs what she was afraid of. We both had a good laugh. It was so funny! I don't anticipate a future problem with monsters. Between Brandon scaring all of them away, and my monster poison, I think that we got the problem solved!

Genesis 50:20

Okay, I am going to start with my favorite verse in evangelism... The verse is Genesis 50:20. "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." NIV version

I believe that this is a verse of testimony for many people. I believe that everyone can relate to this verse. It hits home with most. We all have a testimony. I am going to start with mine, and then I am going to open the doors for the rest of you to put in your testimony in relation with this verse. I was in a severe domestic violence situation. I was raped and beaten. I had a baby through the traumatic events. I use this verse to bring many people to Christ that are in the same or similar situations that I was in.

The way that I apply this verse is by giving this testimony to many people. I am even writing a book about it. I think that it is important to find God amongst our darkest hour.I believe that through testimony of our personal lives, we can apply Genesis 50:20 to most every situation.

Saving the lives of many, doesn't have to be physically. It can also mean spiritually. Think about it. If someone is to burn in hell, their life was not saved. Therefore not all of us have to be in extremely harmful situations in order to apply this verse. Does that make sense?

We can learn through any kind of mistake, sin, or other life changing experience. We can use the sinful nature of others, to save the souls of humanity. Please feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, experiences, or testimonies in regards to this verse.

Every verse is important, however in learning the Bible, I feel like this is one of the most important to learn to help us to understand the nature of God. Hello walls, am I onto something???
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A Favorite Tradition

A Favorite Tradition

As young children, we didn’t have too much. We made up for it later, but then we had nothing. The one thing that my family cherished completely was BIG imaginations. About 23 years ago, on this date, (St. Patrick’s Day) my brother and I were outside playing. The night before, my grandparents, whom rarely visited, had come over to our house. My grandmother had dropped a big Tootsie Roll in the drive way.

The following day, she notified my mother that if we were to find the candy, to let us have it cause it was safe. Mom never said anything to us kids about it, just in case we didn’t find it. She didn’t want the disappointment.

I had been in school already; I think that I was in Kindergarten. We had read a book about leprechauns. My imagination took off, and I told my brother to go outside with me to see if we could find the leprechaun. We found little seeds from the nearby trees, and I said that they were leprechaun footprints. We would search for hours for the leprechaun that these footprints belonged to.

It also happened that my parents, who hardly ever drink, had Champaign or something recent to that day. Or the bottle was in the house, whatever. It was a green bottle, so I figured that the leprechauns would love the bottle. So, I tried to bait one. I put things in that bottle that the leprechauns would like, so we could catch it. We figured that finding his treasure would be so much fun!

As we were on our leprechaun hunting journey, my little brother Mikey came across the long lost tootsie roll. Immediately we knew that the leprechaun left it for us! It was such a wonderful feeling. We were so excited to find this treasure; all of our efforts had paid off. We started to scream, and jump up and down. We were so excited. Being poor, getting a little treat is very exciting! Also, the fact that it was left for us by a mystical creature made it that much more neat!!! We showed our parents, and we ate that candy with all of the pride in the world.
That began our tradition. Every year the Miller kids would go find the candy that the leprechauns left us. It never occurred to us that we were the only kids in the neighborhood that leprechauns left them family.

This tradition became a huge part of my childhood. It was so special to me.

I grew up and realized that I had no mystical creatures leaving me special candy. I do know however, that I have an amazing God that plants little treats my way here and there. I try and cherish those treats the way I did the leprechaun candy.

I also make sure that my children are able to experience the same kind of thrill of finding candy from their leprechaun. An imagination is the key to childhood. It took us away from the daily problems of life. It took us away from the stress of living. It gave us an out. I love my kids to have a big imagination. I love for my kids to believe that they are going to be swept off their feet by some gorgeous prince, and that monsters creep in dark hallways. It makes for some good times. Every now and then I help hunt for leprechauns with them. I know that one day my children will appreciate the things that I do, the way I did for my parents. I also know that when God gives them things in life, they will be able to have enough faith to get out of the situation safe. They will have the ability to lean on that instead of some crazy need for scientific evidence.
Imagination is more important than one will ever know.

Thank you for allowing me to share my tradition.

Here is yet another tale of the Cooper kids. The other day I was on the phone enrolling in my classes for school. I take online classes because I devoted the most possible waking second of every day with my kids. Hence the joy in the breaks that I do get. :)

Anyway, the three kids were playing in Ileyah's bedroom. She is good at keeping them busy while I am busy. As I am talking to my student advisor, I hear the teeter of little feet in the stairs. I recognized these footsteps to belong to Brandina, my three-year-old. (of course) Anyway, I hear her open the bathroom door, and was semi-timing her in there. I think that the whole world knows about now that Brandina is my mischief child. I hear the toilet flush and the water running. I smiled slightly cause I know that she is behaving. I turn my "alert ears" off, and continue on with my conversation.

A few minutes later, I hear the water running still. Then right as I am walking towards the bathroom, I hear Ileyah scream, "Brandina NO!!!" At this point I just hung up with the advisor. I run into the bathroom, you will never guess what I see....

I look at my son (age one), completely covered in water and soap. It was all over his pajamas, and the handsoap was in his hair. I looked at Brandina, and she was smiling at me. I said as calm as I could, "Brandina, what are you doing?" Dontae looks at me and grabs his hair and says, "Wet."

Brandina then explains to me what she was doing. "Mom, Dontae had some food in his hair. We are supposed to be clean, so I washed his hair. It was sticky, but see mom I washed it. I am a good girl ain't I mommy?" I laughed. How could I be mad? My daughter is very skillful, she can wash his hair with him standing on a toilet, willingly, in less than a minute and a half. It takes me sitting with him in a bathtub, fighting with him to be still, in about 15 minutes, and it still isn't done right. :) I don't know why he listens to her as well as he does. I wish he would listen to me that way.

Regardless, I love my kids. They tend to give me a great laugh. It is fun to try to understand them intellectually. They are smart little people if given the opportunity to explain themselves. :0)

I was at church yesterday, as usual, however with the not so usual experience. In fact my experience at church yesterday was particularly horrendous if you want the truth. In looking back at yesterday, I can only laugh at the humiliation I suffered from the past day.

It all started out the same; Choir singing, people happy, elderly people flirting with my kids, kids fighting over the bulletins, etc. Then suddenly, like a 400 pound brick crashing from the Empire State Building, things changed.

It began with my oldest child having to use the bathroom. This too is typical for any day. She does spend a lot of the time in the bathroom. Anyway, she quietly excused herslef, and left. That was fine. in the time that she was gone, my one-yr-old son decided to play with the old man sitting behind me. He loves my son, and tries to find a way to sit next to him every Sunday. My son loves the attention, so he plays gleefully with him. Anyway, after a while pf playing my son decides to get cranky. I am fighting with him to keep him still.

Not as typical on my behalf, I was wearing a button down shirt. During my sons temper tantrum, he decided to grab my shirt and throw himself back against the pew in front of us. That is when I suspect that my shirt busted open. However I cannot be sure. Which truthfully is the scary part. Regardless of when it happened, I unknowingly sat there with my shirt completely opened for at least a few minutes. In the meanwhile, Ileyah returned from the bathroom, only to ask if she could excuse herself again. I had said no that she should be able to hold it since she had just gone.

As I am fighting to keep my son still some more, I feel a breeze. That is when my face turned bright purple. I felt like the prostitute that the pastor was talking about. I quickly pulled my shirt together and buttoned that. As I was buttoning the last button, Ileyah jumped up and screamed as loud as she could, "I can't hold it no more!!!" She runs out of the church. At this point I am looking around to make sure she didn't catch any attention towards my now partially closed shirt.

In about five minutes, and much humiliation later, the head usher calls me to exit the church. i got up and left my two youngest children with my brother-in-law Marcus. I ran downstairs to see Ileyah crying and needing assistance. While I was down there, I guess Brandina thought I left the church, so she began to scream. So Marcus, leaving Dontae (my son) in the church with the ushers, ran Brandina to come find me. She was screaming and hollering, so it took a minute, but I convinced her to come back into the church with me.

As I am walking back into the sanctuary, I hear my son screaming, now he thought that we all left him there. I then had to comfort him. Anyway, by that time he was so worked up that I had to go back downstairs and wait the rest of the service down there.

Part of me just wanted to leave, the other half wanted the love and support of some of the other moms there. It was honestly humiliating.

This is why it is my belief that every church in the entire world needs to have a nursery.

At the end of the night we ended up at the pastors house for dinner. I went through my experience with him, and he laughed so hard he began to cry. I guess he finds my humiliation to be quite funny.

Small Miracles

I believe in miracles. I believe in them, whether big or small I take them seriously. I also believe that if something is a major coincidence, then perhaps it is a small miracle. I don’t think that coincidences just happen. Call me dumb, or naïve, but I believe that God and his angels still interfere with our lives today.

I personally have lived through many, many miracles. Some so amazing that when I tell people about them, most do not believe me anyway. Sometimes I wonder what is the sense in telling, if they aren’t going to believe me? Fortunately for me, I have proof for many of my BIG miracles, but what about the small ones? Since this post is labeled small miracles, I am going to share with you a few experiences in my life that I note as small miracles. Perhaps later at one point I will discuss my big ones.

First of all I am going to say this now, I don’t believe that any miracle is a small one. That being said, I would like to define what I am saying when I say a small miracle. I am referring to a strange coincidence in happenings. I believe that too many strange coincidences, or ironies, define what I am calling a small miracle. Could they have been just that, a strange coincidence? Sure, to many people the answer is yes of course. Some say fate, some say irony, and some just say it is a matter of good luck. I don’t, I say it is God. Even when miracles can be accounted for, I believe that God laid it upon a person to do the thing, which in your book was a blessing. God uses us as tools too.

Well, here are a few of my “Small Miracles.”

Miracle 1- The Halloween Pumpkins- I celebrate Halloween. I know that many of you guys are against it, but I do celebrate Halloween with my kids. I do it just for them to have fun and eat candy. Anyway one year when I was still working, I had picked up quite a few hours, and when it came down to the time of picking out pumpkins for the kids, I delayed it. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like going. I am a procrastinator, and I always put things off. This has gotten me into trouble before. I have since learned.

Anyway, it finally came to the night before Halloween, and my daughter kept bugging me, “Mom you promised to get pumpkins!” Finally at around 8:00 that night, I decided to grab some. Brandon had told me earlier that the stores he stopped at were all out of pumpkins. So, I just skipped over them, and I ran into some other stores. Every store I came to was out of pumpkins. Every one. I couldn’t believe my luck. Ileyah was crying, Brandina was sad. The kids were tired, and they just wanted me to spend time with them painting pumpkins. Well as I stopped at store after store, and everyone telling me that I was crazy, that there was no way that I was going to get a pumpkin at that hour, I began to pray. I asked God to forgive me for putting my kids off, and to intercede and help me to find a pumpkin. We finally got to a store that I have never been to in my whole life, and I sent Ileyah in. They said that they had no pumpkins. It was just my luck. Stores are now beginning to close, and nobody had pumpkins. I was devastated. I broke yet another promise to my kids. Anyway, as Ileyah was walking out of the door, a guy yelled for her to come back. He found them. Three little pumpkins were sitting in a different spot in the store. That is exactly how many pumpkins we needed, so it turned out perfect!

My kids were elated. The spirits were lifted. That man saved our day. I have learned since then, that if I am going to make promises to my kids that I need to be more willing to go out and get the things that I need to keep my promises. That day changed me. I thanked God, and I felt wonderful going home. Was it a big deal? No not really, not to me. It was everything to my kids. In my book it was a small miracle.

Miracle 2- Which is really times 3- Unexpected money/gifts- God looks out for me financially pretty much often. There have been 2 different occasions where I have received cash in my mailbox at a time when we needed it, and it was very unexpected. One of those times was this Christmas. We were stressing on having enough Christmas money for the kids, when I checked the mail, we literally got a letter from Santa Clause. None of us recognized the writing, and there was $100.00 cash in the envelope. There was no return address, and no one that I knew confessed to doing it. It was a wonderful feeling. I am sure that someone sent us the money, however God had to lay upon that persons heart to send it to us.

We have received anything from gift cards to cash, to almost anything. It is honestly incredible. People talk about us being selfish at this time because of the economy, however we (my family) have experienced the complete opposite. We are humbled by people’s lack of selfishness.

Could God have sent me the letters? Of course, that can be answered by anyone that has read the book “The Shack!” However, in my book it is still a miracle even if an anonymous person sent us this to help us out. It is not natural for people to so easily give to others. Many people are selfish in nature. I find it miraculous that there are still people who know when someone may have needs and they reach out to fulfill them.

Miracle 3- The Power of Friends- Brandon has been down lately. He has been kind of stressed out due to his work situation. He was kind of telling me about it the other day, when a door repairman was at our house. He was telling me about his stresses, and how he feels overwhelmed lately. The door repairman was outside of our house, so neither one of us thought too much about him. Anyway, Brandon had left to go to work, and the guy when finished with the work came into the house for me to sign some papers. He gave me his card and told me to have Brandon call him. He said that he had some stuff he needed to go over with him about the door, and that he wanted to talk to him about some other things, and get to know him better.

Brandon got home that night, and I told him to call him. Brandon was reluctant, but after some pushing, he did. Brandon was on the phone with the man for about a good ten minutes. When he got off the phone Brandon looked at me completely confused. He said to me, “Uh, that guy wanted me to study the Bible with him.” I was a little dumbfounded myself. I thought that it was nice, and Brandon started laughing. His stress kind of lifted when that man said that he would pray for my husband and that they should do a Bible Study.

New friends and old friends can make a difference in our daily lives. God sends them to us for a reason. I have been able to recently reconnect with a long lost friend from Russia. She was here for a year, and we lost touch the minute she went home. We were close when she was here. I thought that I would never see her again. She thought the same. It just so happened that when I joined facebook she was on it. I was once again dumbfounded. We have been able to catch up. Not only were we able to catch up, we are truly friends again. It is a wonderful thing. She is honest with me about the things that I have to say, and I truly am glad to have that honesty and trust. It is a great feeling.

Either way, Regardless on what it is, small miracles happen to us daily. I think that we need to recognize them more often for what they truly are, and then thank God for what he has taken the time to do for us, whether small or large. I have learned that when I realize how much I have to be thankful for, it is harder to be ungrateful. It is also more difficult to say that God doesn’t interfere with our daily lives this day in age. It has been my experience that he not only interferes, but he loves to show us he’s with us and that he cares!

Faith and a Mulberry Tree

This was a lesson on faith, that I was never going to post on here, but because everyone loves this story, I decided I would.

Faith is something that I have always dealt with. There are times when I have a lot of it, and there are times when I lack it completely. Not as much anymore, but still more than I should. Please don't misinterpret what I am saying. I have faith that God exists, but where I lack is the faith in my everyday life. There are times when I just need to be able to rely on God, but I tend to not have the ability to give it to Him. I am always trying to solve my problems on my own.

Anyhow, I was dealing with the faith problem again, so I went to the Bible. I asked God to fix this problem, and I turned to the Bible for my guidance, and reassurance. I found in Luke 17:6 it says, "The Lord answered, "If you have faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,' and it would obey you!" (NLT)

I found this to be rather interesting. It also just so happens that I own a mulberry tree. :) It was probably around 1:00 am when I found this verse. It was a dark summer night, and there were plenty of people out and about in my neighborhood. I did not hesitate, I threw my shoes on and ran out side. I heard my husband calling after me, asking where I was going. I told him that I was on a mission and that I would explain later.

I walked up to the tree with a thousand thoughts going through my brain and a knot in my stomach. I sat there contemplating how I was going to do this. I thought about what an idiot I would look like talking to a tree. If ever there was a time that I looked like I was on drugs, this was it. I didn't care. I needed to see for myself. I needed to know...

I gathered my deepest most authorative voice that I could conjur up, and I said to the tree as it was looking at me, "Tree, uproot yourself and go into the lake." I got nothing. I wasn't disappointed at this point. I figured that I wasn't holding enough authority. I gave it another shot, I got enough authority, all of it that I could find, and with a few neighbors staring at me, I said "Tree uproot yourself and go into the lake!" All of a sudden the wind blew and the branches shook. I got so scared that I ran up the stairs and into the house as fast as I possibly could! It took me probably less than a second and a half to go peeling into the front door. My heart was racing! I was afraid.

Finally my husband looked at me annoyingly, "What are you doing and why are you running at this time of night?!?"

I said, "You are never going to believe this, but I think it works! I moved the mulberry tree with my voice, I bet it is in the lake now!!!"

Brandon said more confused than ever, "What are you talking about?" He looked out the window, and the tree was still there. I was speechless. It didn't work. I explained the situation to my husband, and all he could say was "You went outside at one in the morning to talk to a tree?" I coudn't deny it, the answer was yes.

I found myself to be rather upset, so I decided to call the pastor and his wife, also a pastor. They are always up late, and they always have such great things to tell me. When they answered the phone, I told them the situation and they laughed at me. I was so serious, and all they could do is laugh! I informed them that I didn't think the situation was too funny.

Rev Sudie said to me, "Nina, of course the tree didn't move!"

I argued back, "But the Bible says..."

"Honey, I know what the Bible says, but honestly, did you expect it to move?"

"I don't know."

"Well from your story, it sounds like you didn't expect it to move. If you were afraid of it actually moving, then you didn't expect it to work anyway. And besides Nina, why are you testing God? Did you actually NEED the tree to move? If you did NEED it to, and you knew in your heart and soul that it would, then I am one hundred percent positive that it would."

I was mad! She was one hundred percent right. There was doubt in my mind, so I tested my faith, with doubt in my mind. Of course it wasn't going to work. I think God shook the tree up just to laugh at me. I think that day he said, "Look at this foolish girl, I am going to have fun with her."

Besides giving God a good belly laugh, I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that we cannot test God's love for us. I learned that you cannot do things pretending to have faith, that the faith has got to be there, and I learned that God will show himself even when our faith is lacking. God loves us, and even though sometimes we need to know that he is there, if we reach out far enough, we will find him.

I guess my night with my tree wasn't wasted. It opened my eyes to myself. Faith is something that I have been working on since that night. And even though I know that I don't need that tree to move, I find myself periodically telling it that it will be moved one day. I pray for a reason to move it, but I know one day there will be. And when that day comes, I know that I will be prepared in watching it leave. I will smile at myself for how far I have come. One day, I am going to move mountains. Right now I am just preparing myself to do so!

Just a Mom

A year ago, I decided that I was not ready to return to work after finding out that my son was sick. I just wasn't ready. All signs pointed to me staying at home. From the booked day care lady, to my son being sick, to my oldests' withdrawals from her family. That was it, Brandon and I both decided not a moment too soon that I needed to be home.

It was a difficult decision based on the fact that I am extremely competitive, I am a hard worker, and I love results. Being at home seemed just the opposite. In my opinion at the time, it was what lazy people did. It was nothing to be proud of. Being at home I couldn't come home and say, "Hey I sold 5 suits to one customer today, I rock!" I missed that. I really had nothing to show for myself. I just stayed home. I was a mom. Nothing more, nothing less. Sure, I went to school to begin to obtain a degree that I have desired my entire life. I am still a student. Sure, I wrote a few books along the way, sold some artwork, ran a youth group that loves me, but for me that was not enough. I needed to be more. Even though I dedicated my self to keeping busy, I still was not satisfied.

I still struggle with this now. My plate is more full than ever before in my life, however, I still struggle with the whole title when people ask my occupation. I hate the sound of "stay at home mom". I seem to have lost my respect. However, with deep thought, lots of prayer, and some rude awakenings, I found out that what I do, is somewhat noteworthy.

For instance there is not a higher compliment in the world from your children. It is funny because a few years ago, working many many hours a week, I couldn't cook. I figured that in order not to contaminate my kids with food poisoning, meat had to be cremated. I practically fed my kids leather. Well, since I am now a stay-at-home mom, I can cook. I cook about 3 meals a day. I found that I am actaully gifted in the culinary department. This benefits me greatly. My daughter Ileyah, typically hates french toast. She thinks that it is nasty. She always has. Brandon decided that he was hungry for some, so I whipped some up. Ileyah was upset. She ate the french toast, and she grinned ear to ear. The child ate like four helpings of it. She loved it! Ironically later on that week in school they were going to have french toast. Ileyah was geeked! she was so excited to eat the french toast. Since she had a wonderful awakening, she thought that she would love it. When she came home from school that day, she was really upset. She said, "Mom, it was awful, just awful. I am so hungry!" I then proceded to feed my child something that she would like. I found it to be completely humorous. Ironically later that day I get a phone call and it was one of Ileyah's friends' moms. She called me and said that her daughter was begging to go to my house cause they had a bad lunch and they wanted some good cooking.

The mother asked me, "what do you do to make your food so good?"

I said "I think that it is cause I am a stay-at-home mom that I actually had to learn to cook."

She proceded to tell me that I was a real woman, and she thought that it was neat. That there were not many of us left. I felt happy. I was proud that I could make someone respect what I did. I found it to be a comforting conversation at a time when I felt useless. It also made me have something to be proud of.

I am still trying to get used to the ideas of being at home. I have learned cool ways to keep my husband happy that most career women haven't learned. For instance this one works like a charm...

When your husband and you are arguing, or you have a really super bad strain of PMS, bake an apple pie. That is it! He will forget the entire reason that he is mad at you. Whatever was upsetting him disappears completely. It is gone for good and never to return. I love that! I know for a fact that it works, I have made many, many apple pies. It works like a charm. In fact, it works so well that my husband and I hardly ever disagree on anything anymore! Amazing huh? :)

There are many cool things about being a stay-at-home mom. My house may be messier than ever before in my life, cause my kids are home to cause havoc in the house, they are protected and taken care of and I know that. Doing the dishes has made my relationship with God stronger. I have never given him so much thanks before that. I thank him everyday for owning a dishwasher! My husband has far less stress on him. He had to learn how to respect me even when I wasn't making money. For some reason he does. It has worked. He respects me more now, than when I was working so much. He doesn't mind having to pay everyhting for me. He just does it. It is amazing. He is far less selfish than ever before. He understands that I am home, and he takes care of things. It has been great on our relationship. There are times when he is upset about money, but he never regrets this decision. With me going to school, writing, and drawing, he enjoys getting involved. He helps me with my homework, he proof-reads my writing, he watches me draw and paint. He loves staying involved in my life. This is much better than ever before. Our relationsip has grown so much.

I think that I will always find it hard. I think that I will always remain overly booked, busy, and stressed. However, I don't regret my decision. I have learned that every decision in life has pros and cons. This one tends to benefit my family more than the other way. I can live with the periodic humilation of being forced to say that I am just a mom. Sometimes, I have learned that being just a mom is far more important than being everything else. I am thankful, even when I miss my job, I am thankful for what I do and what I am. :)

Money for McDonalds

Most of you know that my husband, Brandon, was laid off from work in October. It is a pretty hard situation with me being a full time student and us having three kids. Needless to say, money is really tight.

Anyway, I was driving home from dropping my oldest child, Ileyah, off to school. It was the typical drive with music on the radio and the usual blabber of my youngest two children, ages 1 & 3. As we pass McDonalds, my three-year-old, Brandina, blurts out of nowhere, "Mmmm Mommy, can we have McDonalds?"

I told her, "No, we don't have the money to be wasting right now."

"Why Mommy, why can't we go to McDonalds and get Chicken McNuggets?"

I told her again, "Brandina, we don't have the money to be wasting, mommy's broke."

"No you're not. There is money in your purse." She replied.

"Dina, baby, you don't understand, there is NO money in mommy's purse!"

Now that I realize I am arguing with a three-year-old over Chicken McNuggets and money, I decided to turn the radio up and enjoy the rest of my ride home. As I get home and unload the children, my daughter walks up to me and says, "Mommy, I have a present for you." As I look at my child, innocent and beautiful but oblivious to the difficulties of adult struggle, I noticed her handpicking coins out of her Disney Princess purse.

She says to me in all seriousness, as she hands me 18 cents, consisting of all nickels and pennies, "Mommy, go buy yourself some Chicken McNuggets, just give me a little bite okay? This is the money you need so your purse is not empty." I stood their stunned as she hands me her hard-earned savings. Tears well up in my eyes. My daughter is less selfish than most adults. It reminded me of the story with the poor widow in the Bible.

I could have went to McDonalds had I really wanted to. I wasn't that broke that I couldn't order my kid a dollar item. However, the story reminded me of our own selfishness. I know that people in church are supposed to tithe and give their time. This is something that you have to twist arms to accomplish, usually. However, it was a wonderful thing to see, my little girl giving me her all, in order to comfort me. It reminded me how to continue to be generous even though it is harder and harder to do so.

I think that some of the best lessons in life come from our children. I am blessed to learn from them everday. :)

The Snow Storm

"I live by the clock, it tells me everything." Sue is staring at the clock. She refuses to move her focus from it, especially to look at her therapist.

"What exactly does the clock tell you?"

"Everything. It is my only method of survival... Ever since... Well, you know."

"Tell me, tell me what you feel, that is what I am here..."

…"I can't, I just can't live anymore- I only live according to the clock."

"Sue, It has been a year since his passing. What about your kids?"

"LOOK, I AM ALIVE AINT I? I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN... I could have you know... could have died with him... I WANTED to. Want to still really." Her voice lessens to a whisper, "They need me, it may not be the same but I am here. They are fed, dammit!"

The therapist hands Sue a tissue. "Sue, 6:30 they wake up, 6:45 you get them dressed, 7:15 they are fed, 7:35 you are combing their hair... It is the same everyday. You need to give your kids some pleasure, allow them to experience life..." Sue twists her wedding band in nervousness. She wonders why she still wears it. "...You are protected, you live in a snow globe. You have to stop, if not for yourself then for your children."

Sue leaves the therapists office crying as usual. It seems that she is always crying lately. She can taste the bitter truth of her life. The therapist always left that bitter taste in her mouth. The therapist had explained the pain that Sue was feeling. She used an acronym called DABDA to describe Sue’s grieving. It stands for denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They used to go back and forth about where Sue was in the grieving process. “Sue, these feelings of anger towards your husband and yourself are completely normal.”

“You don’t understand, I am not angry with anyone, I have accepted the fact that God hates me. I can literally feel my heart being snatched outta my chest… Everyone tells me how great God is, but I don’t think he is that great for what he did to me!”

“See, you are angry… You are angry with… Well with God.”

“I am NOT angry with God, but if he was as loving as everyone says he is, then why in the hell do I have to feel the way I do? The pain… I heard my husband’s last breath. I heard him. Don’t you understand that? Why can’t you fathom my pain?”

“Sue, it’s okay to feel angry.”No matter how normal she may feel going in to see the therapist, she always leaves a complete wreck. However, she does find irony in the fact that the therapist told her that she is living in a snow globe. The last gift that she ever received from her husband was a snow globe. It played the music of “A Whole New World”, from the movie “Aladdin”. That was their wedding song. Sue gets out of the car and makes a dash for the house. It is freezing outside and they are expecting a blizzard. She decided to take the therapists advice, and took her kids to their grandmother’s house for a change in schedule. She didn’t know what to do with herself. She is relieved to feel the warmth of her home. She can feel her goose bumps piercing her flesh. Whenever she got goose bumps like that her husband would rub his strong calloused hands up and down her arms really fast. Then after they disappeared he would move her long dark hair off of her neck, and then gently kiss her neck and shoulders to bring the goose bumps back. He drove her crazy doing this. She could still smell the sweet woodsy scent of his cologne. The thought of him next to her makes her shiver. She longed to be with him. If only she could touch him just once more. She hardly remembers anything from that tragic night.Since the girls were gone for the weekend, she decides to rent a movie and grab some groceries before the weather becomes too bad.

As she walks through the store, she notices a baby, sitting in the cart ahead of her. He is the most beautiful baby ever imaginable. He has a head full of curly brown hair and the most intense big brown eyes that Sue has ever seen. The baby is kind of restless, and Sue can feel sympathy for the mother. He is crying and hollering, and he is pulling items off of the shelf and throwing them. This baby seemed to be very unhappy. She thought back to when her and her husband would try to take their oldest to the restaurant, oh how she would cry. She threw food, kicked the waitresses, screamed, and cried the entire time. They would be so embarrassed. There were quite a few times that they were kicked out of restaurants due to the number of complaints from other customers. She smiles at her bittersweet memory.

Sue pays for the groceries and runs outside into the cold. She is parked next to the lady with the restless baby. The baby is still crying, so Sue starts to talk to him. As she nears closer, she feels a hard knock on her head. It feels like the same knock that she experienced in the accident a year ago. “Brian, I cannot move, I am scared.”

“Sue, I will get you, hold on. Hold on baby, I am coming.” The vehicle was on fire and her leg was stuck under the crushed dashboard. Brian ran around the car and dived in to unhook her leg. He told her to be strong while he got her leg loose. “I am going to die!”

“You are not going to die, have faith. God isn’t going to take you from me.”

“Brian help! I am so scared. It hurts!” She could feel the heat rising in the car.

“Oh baby, don’t be scared, you’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be just fine. I love you, you know that? I love you.” Sue never doubted his love. The noise was getting fierce. The car was getting hotter. Smoke was coming in from every direction. Brian couldn’t seem to find where her foot was stuck, so he sat in the car with her while the fire truck was on its way. He began to pray.
“God, please be with Sue and help her to get out safe. Please take control of the situation and comfort my wife, I love her God and I couldn’t live without her.” The noise was getting so much louder and intense. The heat was everywhere. It was taking her breath away. The heat was so bad that she could see it. The waves were encircling both she and Brian. The car exploded. The force of the explosion released Sue’s foot. Sue got out safe, unfortunately Brian did not. When the car exploded the smoke enveloped Brian. Brian thanked God for saving his wife. He looked into her charred face and all he said was “Promise to keep your faith, and remember that I love you. I have always loved you. Kiss my babies goodbye.” She nodded and held him close to her, “Brian, don’t go. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”

The firemen got him out of the car, but the smoke damage was too much. Her head was on his chest when he stopped breathing. It seemed like his last breath lasted forever. It was so long and miserable. She could hear the congestion in his throat. It rumbled with his struggled breath. Sue knew that this was goodbye. She had wondered why God would be so cruel to take him from her. She wondered if there even was a God. She vowed to live her life in a perfect schedule. She knew that if she took control of her life instead of entrusting herself with an imaginary almighty, she would be safe. Sue had to keep her life and her children’s lives in complete control in order for her not to hurt again. Not only did she realize that she is not allowing her children and herself to live, but she also realizes that she broke her promise to her husband. She realizes that she was wrong for how she had been acting. He was selfless enough to jump into the burning car with her, to protect her while he had already been safe. She realizes that she needs to return her favor, her final promise to her beloved.

The snow is tremendous; it is all over the place. Thick heavy snow, coming from every direction. She feels herself shake. She is shaking terribly. She isn't sure if she is scared or just very cold. She knows that there is a lot of work cut out for her. She is pleased with the idea of starting over. There is noise, so much noise that she cringes with the sound of it. It is a cracking and whipping noise. It snaps and pops. And then there she is standing on the glass. It is as if she were surrounded in it. She swears that she can smell the faintest scent of her husband’s cologne. She knows that it is time to let go. She now knows that she can keep her promise. She silently asks God for his mercy and forgiveness. One tear brushes past her cheek. Just one. She tells her snow globe world good-bye.

“Ma’am are you okay? I am so sorry… My son is cranky today, please ma’am I am sorry.” Sue looks towards her feet. She sees the broken snow globe lying there. She gives the woman a hug and tells her not to worry about it. In the background she can hear the song “A Whole New World”. Sue thanks God and goes home. It is going to be a terrible storm.