My Husband and a Jock Strap

Hmmm. I like the title of this one... I was in bed thinking hard about things the other night.. I couldn't sleep. Thoughts were overwhelming my mind. Every time I go into a shut-down mode, this happens. I have so many thoughts and reflections on life and things. I can't say that I mind. It gives me so many things to write about. Since that is a passion, I am truly blessed to be bombarded with these thoughts.

I was laying there thinking about what I would do if I didn't have the support of my husband. I mean seriously, Brandon never stops me from living my dreams. Think about it, a few weeks perhaps months, back, I was stressed out about the pressure of what I am supposed to do with my life. I was confused, and felt to some degree, hopeless. I always use the term "jack of all trades, master of none." Anyway, who did I go talk to about it? Brandon of course. He listens to me no matter how silly it seems. He supports me in everything that I do. He protects me from the harshness of everyone elses opinions. He is there for me when I need him most, and he is around when I feel like I don't need him at all. Brandon supports me, even when I want to achieve the impossnnible. I am getting ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning...

So, after a few weeks/months of wallowing in self pity, thinking about how my dreams are so unaccomplishable, thinking that I am wasting my own time and his, and praying relentlessly for answers, it occured to me. I think that it was my dad who made it clear to be honest. I feel often that I have no calling in life. For a religious person, that is a hard feeling. However, my dad pointed out to me the other day, when talking about this exact subject. He told me, "You know how to tell if something is a calliing or not?"

I said, "No how?"

Dad told me, "You know it is a calling, if it is a passion that no matter what you can't shake it off, but something that you will be willing to do without getting paid for it." That statement put a lump in my throat so big, that a frog would have shuddered with fear. I knew right then that he was right. I knew right then that I was not mistaken with my calling. I knew that my dad answered all of my doubts, questions, and problems. My mom agreed. It was like in unison. I knew exactly what I had to do.

I went home that night and read the Bible. Ironically, when I have no idea what I am wanting to look for to read, I typically begin in Matthew. I do this because there is a lot of dialogue from Christ himself in Matthew. So, the verse that I was hit with was, Matthew 7:7-8 It simply says this... "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened" (NKJV version). This confirmed my doubts. The knowledge that I had all along, was out on the table. I already had the answer, I was doubting my own faith.

I decided to sit down and talk to Brandon. I needed him to know, what I was working on. I needed to let him know that I was going to work on the impossible. I told him, and he looked at me completely confused. He said to me, "Nina, I thought that was the plan the entire time." I informed him of the doubts that I had. He made it known to me that I always have doubts, that doesn't mean that I was going to quit trying.

I went to bed that night, with a spinning head. I was thinking about Brandon. I was reflecting on how lucky I am.. I was trying to think of an effective metaphor to explain this, then it hit me... jock strap. Hmm. Interesting. Well, I think of it like this. He protects me from people, he shields me from harm, he holds me tight when I am afraid, but most importantly, he supports me in everything that I do. He supports me when I want to achieve the impossible. He never turns his back on me. He is always there. The best thing I could think of was that, jock strap. I think that is what all men and women alike need to aim to be. There you have it, my thoughts for today.