The Snow Storm

"I live by the clock, it tells me everything." Sue is staring at the clock. She refuses to move her focus from it, especially to look at her therapist.

"What exactly does the clock tell you?"

"Everything. It is my only method of survival... Ever since... Well, you know."

"Tell me, tell me what you feel, that is what I am here..."

…"I can't, I just can't live anymore- I only live according to the clock."

"Sue, It has been a year since his passing. What about your kids?"

"LOOK, I AM ALIVE AINT I? I AM DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN... I could have you know... could have died with him... I WANTED to. Want to still really." Her voice lessens to a whisper, "They need me, it may not be the same but I am here. They are fed, dammit!"

The therapist hands Sue a tissue. "Sue, 6:30 they wake up, 6:45 you get them dressed, 7:15 they are fed, 7:35 you are combing their hair... It is the same everyday. You need to give your kids some pleasure, allow them to experience life..." Sue twists her wedding band in nervousness. She wonders why she still wears it. "...You are protected, you live in a snow globe. You have to stop, if not for yourself then for your children."

Sue leaves the therapists office crying as usual. It seems that she is always crying lately. She can taste the bitter truth of her life. The therapist always left that bitter taste in her mouth. The therapist had explained the pain that Sue was feeling. She used an acronym called DABDA to describe Sue’s grieving. It stands for denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They used to go back and forth about where Sue was in the grieving process. “Sue, these feelings of anger towards your husband and yourself are completely normal.”

“You don’t understand, I am not angry with anyone, I have accepted the fact that God hates me. I can literally feel my heart being snatched outta my chest… Everyone tells me how great God is, but I don’t think he is that great for what he did to me!”

“See, you are angry… You are angry with… Well with God.”

“I am NOT angry with God, but if he was as loving as everyone says he is, then why in the hell do I have to feel the way I do? The pain… I heard my husband’s last breath. I heard him. Don’t you understand that? Why can’t you fathom my pain?”

“Sue, it’s okay to feel angry.”No matter how normal she may feel going in to see the therapist, she always leaves a complete wreck. However, she does find irony in the fact that the therapist told her that she is living in a snow globe. The last gift that she ever received from her husband was a snow globe. It played the music of “A Whole New World”, from the movie “Aladdin”. That was their wedding song. Sue gets out of the car and makes a dash for the house. It is freezing outside and they are expecting a blizzard. She decided to take the therapists advice, and took her kids to their grandmother’s house for a change in schedule. She didn’t know what to do with herself. She is relieved to feel the warmth of her home. She can feel her goose bumps piercing her flesh. Whenever she got goose bumps like that her husband would rub his strong calloused hands up and down her arms really fast. Then after they disappeared he would move her long dark hair off of her neck, and then gently kiss her neck and shoulders to bring the goose bumps back. He drove her crazy doing this. She could still smell the sweet woodsy scent of his cologne. The thought of him next to her makes her shiver. She longed to be with him. If only she could touch him just once more. She hardly remembers anything from that tragic night.Since the girls were gone for the weekend, she decides to rent a movie and grab some groceries before the weather becomes too bad.

As she walks through the store, she notices a baby, sitting in the cart ahead of her. He is the most beautiful baby ever imaginable. He has a head full of curly brown hair and the most intense big brown eyes that Sue has ever seen. The baby is kind of restless, and Sue can feel sympathy for the mother. He is crying and hollering, and he is pulling items off of the shelf and throwing them. This baby seemed to be very unhappy. She thought back to when her and her husband would try to take their oldest to the restaurant, oh how she would cry. She threw food, kicked the waitresses, screamed, and cried the entire time. They would be so embarrassed. There were quite a few times that they were kicked out of restaurants due to the number of complaints from other customers. She smiles at her bittersweet memory.

Sue pays for the groceries and runs outside into the cold. She is parked next to the lady with the restless baby. The baby is still crying, so Sue starts to talk to him. As she nears closer, she feels a hard knock on her head. It feels like the same knock that she experienced in the accident a year ago. “Brian, I cannot move, I am scared.”

“Sue, I will get you, hold on. Hold on baby, I am coming.” The vehicle was on fire and her leg was stuck under the crushed dashboard. Brian ran around the car and dived in to unhook her leg. He told her to be strong while he got her leg loose. “I am going to die!”

“You are not going to die, have faith. God isn’t going to take you from me.”

“Brian help! I am so scared. It hurts!” She could feel the heat rising in the car.

“Oh baby, don’t be scared, you’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be just fine. I love you, you know that? I love you.” Sue never doubted his love. The noise was getting fierce. The car was getting hotter. Smoke was coming in from every direction. Brian couldn’t seem to find where her foot was stuck, so he sat in the car with her while the fire truck was on its way. He began to pray.
“God, please be with Sue and help her to get out safe. Please take control of the situation and comfort my wife, I love her God and I couldn’t live without her.” The noise was getting so much louder and intense. The heat was everywhere. It was taking her breath away. The heat was so bad that she could see it. The waves were encircling both she and Brian. The car exploded. The force of the explosion released Sue’s foot. Sue got out safe, unfortunately Brian did not. When the car exploded the smoke enveloped Brian. Brian thanked God for saving his wife. He looked into her charred face and all he said was “Promise to keep your faith, and remember that I love you. I have always loved you. Kiss my babies goodbye.” She nodded and held him close to her, “Brian, don’t go. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.”

The firemen got him out of the car, but the smoke damage was too much. Her head was on his chest when he stopped breathing. It seemed like his last breath lasted forever. It was so long and miserable. She could hear the congestion in his throat. It rumbled with his struggled breath. Sue knew that this was goodbye. She had wondered why God would be so cruel to take him from her. She wondered if there even was a God. She vowed to live her life in a perfect schedule. She knew that if she took control of her life instead of entrusting herself with an imaginary almighty, she would be safe. Sue had to keep her life and her children’s lives in complete control in order for her not to hurt again. Not only did she realize that she is not allowing her children and herself to live, but she also realizes that she broke her promise to her husband. She realizes that she was wrong for how she had been acting. He was selfless enough to jump into the burning car with her, to protect her while he had already been safe. She realizes that she needs to return her favor, her final promise to her beloved.

The snow is tremendous; it is all over the place. Thick heavy snow, coming from every direction. She feels herself shake. She is shaking terribly. She isn't sure if she is scared or just very cold. She knows that there is a lot of work cut out for her. She is pleased with the idea of starting over. There is noise, so much noise that she cringes with the sound of it. It is a cracking and whipping noise. It snaps and pops. And then there she is standing on the glass. It is as if she were surrounded in it. She swears that she can smell the faintest scent of her husband’s cologne. She knows that it is time to let go. She now knows that she can keep her promise. She silently asks God for his mercy and forgiveness. One tear brushes past her cheek. Just one. She tells her snow globe world good-bye.

“Ma’am are you okay? I am so sorry… My son is cranky today, please ma’am I am sorry.” Sue looks towards her feet. She sees the broken snow globe lying there. She gives the woman a hug and tells her not to worry about it. In the background she can hear the song “A Whole New World”. Sue thanks God and goes home. It is going to be a terrible storm.