I was at church yesterday, as usual, however with the not so usual experience. In fact my experience at church yesterday was particularly horrendous if you want the truth. In looking back at yesterday, I can only laugh at the humiliation I suffered from the past day.

It all started out the same; Choir singing, people happy, elderly people flirting with my kids, kids fighting over the bulletins, etc. Then suddenly, like a 400 pound brick crashing from the Empire State Building, things changed.

It began with my oldest child having to use the bathroom. This too is typical for any day. She does spend a lot of the time in the bathroom. Anyway, she quietly excused herslef, and left. That was fine. in the time that she was gone, my one-yr-old son decided to play with the old man sitting behind me. He loves my son, and tries to find a way to sit next to him every Sunday. My son loves the attention, so he plays gleefully with him. Anyway, after a while pf playing my son decides to get cranky. I am fighting with him to keep him still.

Not as typical on my behalf, I was wearing a button down shirt. During my sons temper tantrum, he decided to grab my shirt and throw himself back against the pew in front of us. That is when I suspect that my shirt busted open. However I cannot be sure. Which truthfully is the scary part. Regardless of when it happened, I unknowingly sat there with my shirt completely opened for at least a few minutes. In the meanwhile, Ileyah returned from the bathroom, only to ask if she could excuse herself again. I had said no that she should be able to hold it since she had just gone.

As I am fighting to keep my son still some more, I feel a breeze. That is when my face turned bright purple. I felt like the prostitute that the pastor was talking about. I quickly pulled my shirt together and buttoned that. As I was buttoning the last button, Ileyah jumped up and screamed as loud as she could, "I can't hold it no more!!!" She runs out of the church. At this point I am looking around to make sure she didn't catch any attention towards my now partially closed shirt.

In about five minutes, and much humiliation later, the head usher calls me to exit the church. i got up and left my two youngest children with my brother-in-law Marcus. I ran downstairs to see Ileyah crying and needing assistance. While I was down there, I guess Brandina thought I left the church, so she began to scream. So Marcus, leaving Dontae (my son) in the church with the ushers, ran Brandina to come find me. She was screaming and hollering, so it took a minute, but I convinced her to come back into the church with me.

As I am walking back into the sanctuary, I hear my son screaming, now he thought that we all left him there. I then had to comfort him. Anyway, by that time he was so worked up that I had to go back downstairs and wait the rest of the service down there.

Part of me just wanted to leave, the other half wanted the love and support of some of the other moms there. It was honestly humiliating.

This is why it is my belief that every church in the entire world needs to have a nursery.

At the end of the night we ended up at the pastors house for dinner. I went through my experience with him, and he laughed so hard he began to cry. I guess he finds my humiliation to be quite funny.

Small Miracles

I believe in miracles. I believe in them, whether big or small I take them seriously. I also believe that if something is a major coincidence, then perhaps it is a small miracle. I don’t think that coincidences just happen. Call me dumb, or naïve, but I believe that God and his angels still interfere with our lives today.

I personally have lived through many, many miracles. Some so amazing that when I tell people about them, most do not believe me anyway. Sometimes I wonder what is the sense in telling, if they aren’t going to believe me? Fortunately for me, I have proof for many of my BIG miracles, but what about the small ones? Since this post is labeled small miracles, I am going to share with you a few experiences in my life that I note as small miracles. Perhaps later at one point I will discuss my big ones.

First of all I am going to say this now, I don’t believe that any miracle is a small one. That being said, I would like to define what I am saying when I say a small miracle. I am referring to a strange coincidence in happenings. I believe that too many strange coincidences, or ironies, define what I am calling a small miracle. Could they have been just that, a strange coincidence? Sure, to many people the answer is yes of course. Some say fate, some say irony, and some just say it is a matter of good luck. I don’t, I say it is God. Even when miracles can be accounted for, I believe that God laid it upon a person to do the thing, which in your book was a blessing. God uses us as tools too.

Well, here are a few of my “Small Miracles.”

Miracle 1- The Halloween Pumpkins- I celebrate Halloween. I know that many of you guys are against it, but I do celebrate Halloween with my kids. I do it just for them to have fun and eat candy. Anyway one year when I was still working, I had picked up quite a few hours, and when it came down to the time of picking out pumpkins for the kids, I delayed it. Truthfully, I didn’t feel like going. I am a procrastinator, and I always put things off. This has gotten me into trouble before. I have since learned.

Anyway, it finally came to the night before Halloween, and my daughter kept bugging me, “Mom you promised to get pumpkins!” Finally at around 8:00 that night, I decided to grab some. Brandon had told me earlier that the stores he stopped at were all out of pumpkins. So, I just skipped over them, and I ran into some other stores. Every store I came to was out of pumpkins. Every one. I couldn’t believe my luck. Ileyah was crying, Brandina was sad. The kids were tired, and they just wanted me to spend time with them painting pumpkins. Well as I stopped at store after store, and everyone telling me that I was crazy, that there was no way that I was going to get a pumpkin at that hour, I began to pray. I asked God to forgive me for putting my kids off, and to intercede and help me to find a pumpkin. We finally got to a store that I have never been to in my whole life, and I sent Ileyah in. They said that they had no pumpkins. It was just my luck. Stores are now beginning to close, and nobody had pumpkins. I was devastated. I broke yet another promise to my kids. Anyway, as Ileyah was walking out of the door, a guy yelled for her to come back. He found them. Three little pumpkins were sitting in a different spot in the store. That is exactly how many pumpkins we needed, so it turned out perfect!

My kids were elated. The spirits were lifted. That man saved our day. I have learned since then, that if I am going to make promises to my kids that I need to be more willing to go out and get the things that I need to keep my promises. That day changed me. I thanked God, and I felt wonderful going home. Was it a big deal? No not really, not to me. It was everything to my kids. In my book it was a small miracle.

Miracle 2- Which is really times 3- Unexpected money/gifts- God looks out for me financially pretty much often. There have been 2 different occasions where I have received cash in my mailbox at a time when we needed it, and it was very unexpected. One of those times was this Christmas. We were stressing on having enough Christmas money for the kids, when I checked the mail, we literally got a letter from Santa Clause. None of us recognized the writing, and there was $100.00 cash in the envelope. There was no return address, and no one that I knew confessed to doing it. It was a wonderful feeling. I am sure that someone sent us the money, however God had to lay upon that persons heart to send it to us.

We have received anything from gift cards to cash, to almost anything. It is honestly incredible. People talk about us being selfish at this time because of the economy, however we (my family) have experienced the complete opposite. We are humbled by people’s lack of selfishness.

Could God have sent me the letters? Of course, that can be answered by anyone that has read the book “The Shack!” However, in my book it is still a miracle even if an anonymous person sent us this to help us out. It is not natural for people to so easily give to others. Many people are selfish in nature. I find it miraculous that there are still people who know when someone may have needs and they reach out to fulfill them.

Miracle 3- The Power of Friends- Brandon has been down lately. He has been kind of stressed out due to his work situation. He was kind of telling me about it the other day, when a door repairman was at our house. He was telling me about his stresses, and how he feels overwhelmed lately. The door repairman was outside of our house, so neither one of us thought too much about him. Anyway, Brandon had left to go to work, and the guy when finished with the work came into the house for me to sign some papers. He gave me his card and told me to have Brandon call him. He said that he had some stuff he needed to go over with him about the door, and that he wanted to talk to him about some other things, and get to know him better.

Brandon got home that night, and I told him to call him. Brandon was reluctant, but after some pushing, he did. Brandon was on the phone with the man for about a good ten minutes. When he got off the phone Brandon looked at me completely confused. He said to me, “Uh, that guy wanted me to study the Bible with him.” I was a little dumbfounded myself. I thought that it was nice, and Brandon started laughing. His stress kind of lifted when that man said that he would pray for my husband and that they should do a Bible Study.

New friends and old friends can make a difference in our daily lives. God sends them to us for a reason. I have been able to recently reconnect with a long lost friend from Russia. She was here for a year, and we lost touch the minute she went home. We were close when she was here. I thought that I would never see her again. She thought the same. It just so happened that when I joined facebook she was on it. I was once again dumbfounded. We have been able to catch up. Not only were we able to catch up, we are truly friends again. It is a wonderful thing. She is honest with me about the things that I have to say, and I truly am glad to have that honesty and trust. It is a great feeling.

Either way, Regardless on what it is, small miracles happen to us daily. I think that we need to recognize them more often for what they truly are, and then thank God for what he has taken the time to do for us, whether small or large. I have learned that when I realize how much I have to be thankful for, it is harder to be ungrateful. It is also more difficult to say that God doesn’t interfere with our daily lives this day in age. It has been my experience that he not only interferes, but he loves to show us he’s with us and that he cares!

Faith and a Mulberry Tree

This was a lesson on faith, that I was never going to post on here, but because everyone loves this story, I decided I would.

Faith is something that I have always dealt with. There are times when I have a lot of it, and there are times when I lack it completely. Not as much anymore, but still more than I should. Please don't misinterpret what I am saying. I have faith that God exists, but where I lack is the faith in my everyday life. There are times when I just need to be able to rely on God, but I tend to not have the ability to give it to Him. I am always trying to solve my problems on my own.

Anyhow, I was dealing with the faith problem again, so I went to the Bible. I asked God to fix this problem, and I turned to the Bible for my guidance, and reassurance. I found in Luke 17:6 it says, "The Lord answered, "If you have faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'May you be uprooted and thrown into the sea,' and it would obey you!" (NLT)

I found this to be rather interesting. It also just so happens that I own a mulberry tree. :) It was probably around 1:00 am when I found this verse. It was a dark summer night, and there were plenty of people out and about in my neighborhood. I did not hesitate, I threw my shoes on and ran out side. I heard my husband calling after me, asking where I was going. I told him that I was on a mission and that I would explain later.

I walked up to the tree with a thousand thoughts going through my brain and a knot in my stomach. I sat there contemplating how I was going to do this. I thought about what an idiot I would look like talking to a tree. If ever there was a time that I looked like I was on drugs, this was it. I didn't care. I needed to see for myself. I needed to know...

I gathered my deepest most authorative voice that I could conjur up, and I said to the tree as it was looking at me, "Tree, uproot yourself and go into the lake." I got nothing. I wasn't disappointed at this point. I figured that I wasn't holding enough authority. I gave it another shot, I got enough authority, all of it that I could find, and with a few neighbors staring at me, I said "Tree uproot yourself and go into the lake!" All of a sudden the wind blew and the branches shook. I got so scared that I ran up the stairs and into the house as fast as I possibly could! It took me probably less than a second and a half to go peeling into the front door. My heart was racing! I was afraid.

Finally my husband looked at me annoyingly, "What are you doing and why are you running at this time of night?!?"

I said, "You are never going to believe this, but I think it works! I moved the mulberry tree with my voice, I bet it is in the lake now!!!"

Brandon said more confused than ever, "What are you talking about?" He looked out the window, and the tree was still there. I was speechless. It didn't work. I explained the situation to my husband, and all he could say was "You went outside at one in the morning to talk to a tree?" I coudn't deny it, the answer was yes.

I found myself to be rather upset, so I decided to call the pastor and his wife, also a pastor. They are always up late, and they always have such great things to tell me. When they answered the phone, I told them the situation and they laughed at me. I was so serious, and all they could do is laugh! I informed them that I didn't think the situation was too funny.

Rev Sudie said to me, "Nina, of course the tree didn't move!"

I argued back, "But the Bible says..."

"Honey, I know what the Bible says, but honestly, did you expect it to move?"

"I don't know."

"Well from your story, it sounds like you didn't expect it to move. If you were afraid of it actually moving, then you didn't expect it to work anyway. And besides Nina, why are you testing God? Did you actually NEED the tree to move? If you did NEED it to, and you knew in your heart and soul that it would, then I am one hundred percent positive that it would."

I was mad! She was one hundred percent right. There was doubt in my mind, so I tested my faith, with doubt in my mind. Of course it wasn't going to work. I think God shook the tree up just to laugh at me. I think that day he said, "Look at this foolish girl, I am going to have fun with her."

Besides giving God a good belly laugh, I learned a valuable lesson that day. I learned that we cannot test God's love for us. I learned that you cannot do things pretending to have faith, that the faith has got to be there, and I learned that God will show himself even when our faith is lacking. God loves us, and even though sometimes we need to know that he is there, if we reach out far enough, we will find him.

I guess my night with my tree wasn't wasted. It opened my eyes to myself. Faith is something that I have been working on since that night. And even though I know that I don't need that tree to move, I find myself periodically telling it that it will be moved one day. I pray for a reason to move it, but I know one day there will be. And when that day comes, I know that I will be prepared in watching it leave. I will smile at myself for how far I have come. One day, I am going to move mountains. Right now I am just preparing myself to do so!

Just a Mom

A year ago, I decided that I was not ready to return to work after finding out that my son was sick. I just wasn't ready. All signs pointed to me staying at home. From the booked day care lady, to my son being sick, to my oldests' withdrawals from her family. That was it, Brandon and I both decided not a moment too soon that I needed to be home.

It was a difficult decision based on the fact that I am extremely competitive, I am a hard worker, and I love results. Being at home seemed just the opposite. In my opinion at the time, it was what lazy people did. It was nothing to be proud of. Being at home I couldn't come home and say, "Hey I sold 5 suits to one customer today, I rock!" I missed that. I really had nothing to show for myself. I just stayed home. I was a mom. Nothing more, nothing less. Sure, I went to school to begin to obtain a degree that I have desired my entire life. I am still a student. Sure, I wrote a few books along the way, sold some artwork, ran a youth group that loves me, but for me that was not enough. I needed to be more. Even though I dedicated my self to keeping busy, I still was not satisfied.

I still struggle with this now. My plate is more full than ever before in my life, however, I still struggle with the whole title when people ask my occupation. I hate the sound of "stay at home mom". I seem to have lost my respect. However, with deep thought, lots of prayer, and some rude awakenings, I found out that what I do, is somewhat noteworthy.

For instance there is not a higher compliment in the world from your children. It is funny because a few years ago, working many many hours a week, I couldn't cook. I figured that in order not to contaminate my kids with food poisoning, meat had to be cremated. I practically fed my kids leather. Well, since I am now a stay-at-home mom, I can cook. I cook about 3 meals a day. I found that I am actaully gifted in the culinary department. This benefits me greatly. My daughter Ileyah, typically hates french toast. She thinks that it is nasty. She always has. Brandon decided that he was hungry for some, so I whipped some up. Ileyah was upset. She ate the french toast, and she grinned ear to ear. The child ate like four helpings of it. She loved it! Ironically later on that week in school they were going to have french toast. Ileyah was geeked! she was so excited to eat the french toast. Since she had a wonderful awakening, she thought that she would love it. When she came home from school that day, she was really upset. She said, "Mom, it was awful, just awful. I am so hungry!" I then proceded to feed my child something that she would like. I found it to be completely humorous. Ironically later that day I get a phone call and it was one of Ileyah's friends' moms. She called me and said that her daughter was begging to go to my house cause they had a bad lunch and they wanted some good cooking.

The mother asked me, "what do you do to make your food so good?"

I said "I think that it is cause I am a stay-at-home mom that I actually had to learn to cook."

She proceded to tell me that I was a real woman, and she thought that it was neat. That there were not many of us left. I felt happy. I was proud that I could make someone respect what I did. I found it to be a comforting conversation at a time when I felt useless. It also made me have something to be proud of.

I am still trying to get used to the ideas of being at home. I have learned cool ways to keep my husband happy that most career women haven't learned. For instance this one works like a charm...

When your husband and you are arguing, or you have a really super bad strain of PMS, bake an apple pie. That is it! He will forget the entire reason that he is mad at you. Whatever was upsetting him disappears completely. It is gone for good and never to return. I love that! I know for a fact that it works, I have made many, many apple pies. It works like a charm. In fact, it works so well that my husband and I hardly ever disagree on anything anymore! Amazing huh? :)

There are many cool things about being a stay-at-home mom. My house may be messier than ever before in my life, cause my kids are home to cause havoc in the house, they are protected and taken care of and I know that. Doing the dishes has made my relationship with God stronger. I have never given him so much thanks before that. I thank him everyday for owning a dishwasher! My husband has far less stress on him. He had to learn how to respect me even when I wasn't making money. For some reason he does. It has worked. He respects me more now, than when I was working so much. He doesn't mind having to pay everyhting for me. He just does it. It is amazing. He is far less selfish than ever before. He understands that I am home, and he takes care of things. It has been great on our relationship. There are times when he is upset about money, but he never regrets this decision. With me going to school, writing, and drawing, he enjoys getting involved. He helps me with my homework, he proof-reads my writing, he watches me draw and paint. He loves staying involved in my life. This is much better than ever before. Our relationsip has grown so much.

I think that I will always find it hard. I think that I will always remain overly booked, busy, and stressed. However, I don't regret my decision. I have learned that every decision in life has pros and cons. This one tends to benefit my family more than the other way. I can live with the periodic humilation of being forced to say that I am just a mom. Sometimes, I have learned that being just a mom is far more important than being everything else. I am thankful, even when I miss my job, I am thankful for what I do and what I am. :)