Just a Mom

A year ago, I decided that I was not ready to return to work after finding out that my son was sick. I just wasn't ready. All signs pointed to me staying at home. From the booked day care lady, to my son being sick, to my oldests' withdrawals from her family. That was it, Brandon and I both decided not a moment too soon that I needed to be home.

It was a difficult decision based on the fact that I am extremely competitive, I am a hard worker, and I love results. Being at home seemed just the opposite. In my opinion at the time, it was what lazy people did. It was nothing to be proud of. Being at home I couldn't come home and say, "Hey I sold 5 suits to one customer today, I rock!" I missed that. I really had nothing to show for myself. I just stayed home. I was a mom. Nothing more, nothing less. Sure, I went to school to begin to obtain a degree that I have desired my entire life. I am still a student. Sure, I wrote a few books along the way, sold some artwork, ran a youth group that loves me, but for me that was not enough. I needed to be more. Even though I dedicated my self to keeping busy, I still was not satisfied.

I still struggle with this now. My plate is more full than ever before in my life, however, I still struggle with the whole title when people ask my occupation. I hate the sound of "stay at home mom". I seem to have lost my respect. However, with deep thought, lots of prayer, and some rude awakenings, I found out that what I do, is somewhat noteworthy.

For instance there is not a higher compliment in the world from your children. It is funny because a few years ago, working many many hours a week, I couldn't cook. I figured that in order not to contaminate my kids with food poisoning, meat had to be cremated. I practically fed my kids leather. Well, since I am now a stay-at-home mom, I can cook. I cook about 3 meals a day. I found that I am actaully gifted in the culinary department. This benefits me greatly. My daughter Ileyah, typically hates french toast. She thinks that it is nasty. She always has. Brandon decided that he was hungry for some, so I whipped some up. Ileyah was upset. She ate the french toast, and she grinned ear to ear. The child ate like four helpings of it. She loved it! Ironically later on that week in school they were going to have french toast. Ileyah was geeked! she was so excited to eat the french toast. Since she had a wonderful awakening, she thought that she would love it. When she came home from school that day, she was really upset. She said, "Mom, it was awful, just awful. I am so hungry!" I then proceded to feed my child something that she would like. I found it to be completely humorous. Ironically later that day I get a phone call and it was one of Ileyah's friends' moms. She called me and said that her daughter was begging to go to my house cause they had a bad lunch and they wanted some good cooking.

The mother asked me, "what do you do to make your food so good?"

I said "I think that it is cause I am a stay-at-home mom that I actually had to learn to cook."

She proceded to tell me that I was a real woman, and she thought that it was neat. That there were not many of us left. I felt happy. I was proud that I could make someone respect what I did. I found it to be a comforting conversation at a time when I felt useless. It also made me have something to be proud of.

I am still trying to get used to the ideas of being at home. I have learned cool ways to keep my husband happy that most career women haven't learned. For instance this one works like a charm...

When your husband and you are arguing, or you have a really super bad strain of PMS, bake an apple pie. That is it! He will forget the entire reason that he is mad at you. Whatever was upsetting him disappears completely. It is gone for good and never to return. I love that! I know for a fact that it works, I have made many, many apple pies. It works like a charm. In fact, it works so well that my husband and I hardly ever disagree on anything anymore! Amazing huh? :)

There are many cool things about being a stay-at-home mom. My house may be messier than ever before in my life, cause my kids are home to cause havoc in the house, they are protected and taken care of and I know that. Doing the dishes has made my relationship with God stronger. I have never given him so much thanks before that. I thank him everyday for owning a dishwasher! My husband has far less stress on him. He had to learn how to respect me even when I wasn't making money. For some reason he does. It has worked. He respects me more now, than when I was working so much. He doesn't mind having to pay everyhting for me. He just does it. It is amazing. He is far less selfish than ever before. He understands that I am home, and he takes care of things. It has been great on our relationship. There are times when he is upset about money, but he never regrets this decision. With me going to school, writing, and drawing, he enjoys getting involved. He helps me with my homework, he proof-reads my writing, he watches me draw and paint. He loves staying involved in my life. This is much better than ever before. Our relationsip has grown so much.

I think that I will always find it hard. I think that I will always remain overly booked, busy, and stressed. However, I don't regret my decision. I have learned that every decision in life has pros and cons. This one tends to benefit my family more than the other way. I can live with the periodic humilation of being forced to say that I am just a mom. Sometimes, I have learned that being just a mom is far more important than being everything else. I am thankful, even when I miss my job, I am thankful for what I do and what I am. :)