Tired

I watch the kids around me, and I am listening to the gurgle in their chest. I realize that they are going to have to go to the doctor soon, again. I am fortunate enough to have a good doctor, one that knows me. I am greatful for the fact that he listens to me. In his mind I may be a hypocondriac. In my mind I am wishing that the children didn't get sick so often.

I listen to the teacher calling me, telling me that my daughter is sick again. I hear her crying in the background. I notice the physical pain in my back. Something that no doctor can fix. It is frustration. I am physically tired. I forget what it is like to be young. I feel older beyond my years. I remind myself constantly that I am only 27. I am not physically old. I am just physically tired. I wish that I had time. I love my family more than anything, I am just tired and need some time.

I think about the dreams last night and smile. It is a comforting thought. I am excited for night to fall again. It is peaceful. Night is not long enough. Day is too long. I hear the cartoons, I hear the crying, I hear my thoughts wondering, wishing for just a moment of silence.

I think about the homework that is due. My eyes well up with tears. I am not sad. These are tears of exhaustion. The kind that happen when one is to yawn. They stream down my face. I try to organize the day, the hour, the minute. It is impossible. I fall victim to exhaustion.

I notice that the house needs to be cleaned. I cannot keep up with it. I try, God knows that I try. I feel like laundry never is complete. It seems that it never goes away. I think that the kids must wear 5 outfits per child per day. It seems that I am never done with it. Dishes are the same way.

I think about what I am going to cook. I know that this is my responsibility, but I just feel tired. I am not sure that I am making a big meal tonight. I think it is going to be something simple. I feel sorry for my kids. I am sorry that I am not going to cook their favorite meals. No, not today. Today is going to be something that I feel like making. Something easy.

I think about the prayers that I said three or four years ago. I begged God for more children. I asked God to allow me the responsibility of raising more. I think back before I had a family, I am greatful that God allows me this type of responsibility. I should be more greatful, perhaps I will thank him tonight, but now I am just tired.

Then I am reminded... God made the world in 6 days. He had this responsibilty. Who am I to complain about three kids, work, homework, etc. when God has the world and all of society? I then realize that it is okay to be tired. Even God rested. He took an entire day to rest. I feel the smile coming to my face. My thoughts are brilliant, an entire day devoted to nothing but rest. I think about the peace that God must have felt. I envision myself in rest for an entire day. The thought is grand. Perhaps this will occur one day. Today is not that day. I decide that I will cook. I will make a decent meal. That is the least that I could do to show my family appreciation. I will cook, and tonight when the night is here again, I will rest. I am looking forward to my rest...